Corporate World Critic Gifts

Before Corporate Training/After Corporate Training

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

Another promising young entrepreneur snuffed out by Big Lemonade

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"As far as I'm concerned, it just takes my kind."

"Hello, sir, I'm Warren, the new employee in the fall guy department, and I look forward to a quick departure after the latest corporate scandal."

If Job offers told the truth...

...you're not being redundant or laid off - you're being sacked completely.

'But the good news is: with each downsizing, you qualify for frequent fired 'discount' points.'

'I'm advised I can use selective selection criteria for redundancy...who wants the first straw?'

'Looks like Bob from the London branch got dragged into the fax.'

"And to add insult to injury, the CEO fired me in a sticky note."

"This one is obviously limited in imagination and shows no talent or enthusiasm for management..."

"Of course he wouldn't budge on the budget. That's why they put the jackass in charge."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Spot the difference.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'