Corporate Critique Gifts

'Apparently many companies experience problems including: a lack of direction, poor accountability, lack of respect among members, pushing personal agendas, poor communication ...'

'Gentlemen, we need new blood!'

"I'll be in touch if we need somebody with integrity"

"Another Starbucks on Venus."

'Er! So apart from the crushing workload, lack of support, weak and ineffective management, poor conditions and lack of flexibility was there anything in PARTICULAR you didn't like about working here?'

Transparency and big business.

'Tell Marketing the feedback on new logo and brand name is all positive.'

"Outsourcing? First door on your right."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

Global reach

'Why can't they just say they've gone up?'

Corporate policy is that this company is now paperless. Please use hand.

Christmas Inc. - businessman dressed as Santa.

World of Insurance

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Let's get with it, Miss Ogden -- Spread some papers around on my desk!'

'We've downsized. You'll have to pull it yourself.'

'I've read the report on redundancy 97 times.'

Look, if there was any way I could keep you on I would, Mother

"Before I fire you, I'd like to draw your attention to my new line of merchandise."

"Our retirement plan is that we work you to death."

'So we tell the media our board has lost all scruples, but is willing to do some handwringing on Newsnight.'

Federal Department of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!

'My bucket is completely full! The bosses must have talked a lot of rubbish!'

"I discovered I can hire an illegal immigrant to do your job and have him deported before he qualifies for any benefits."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

"For you my door is always open. My mind...never."

Godzilla, freelance corporate strategist

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

The Big Four debate banking ethics

"We're not gonna lie... Your call really isn't that important to us"

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."