Corporate World Pillows

"I thought it was legal-I wrote it on a legal pad."

Your proposal is bold and innovative but we are a traditional corporation. I would prefer changes like the ones we've tried before

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

'According to Legal, just THINKING about this project is an infringement of someone's copyright!'

"Sounds good. We'll just have to run it by the Hawaiian Shirts."

"We're recommending a risky strategy for your company, so I'd appreciate if you paid before you leave."

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

'I've never actually seen a corporate ladder before.'

Save the earth/Make Money.

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'

"Oh, fine, thanks. And yourself?"

"Bad news, hon. I got replaced by an app."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'It's not about raising expectations, it's about our customers lowering theirs.'

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

"We're looking for people to fire."

"I'm not unwilling to take risks. I'd just like them to be at someone else's expense."

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

"It's always cozy in here. We're insulated by layers of bureaucracy."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'In the absence of an agenda I thought I'd spend the next couple of hours droning on and on about anything that pops into my head!'

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

'Is there any truth in the rumour that there's someone sitting around this table who hasn't got an ulcer?'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

"Upstairs is throwing capital gains taxes out the window."

'Not to worry. The shareholders packed your golden parachute.'

"It turns out the thing that makes my career fulfilling is making more money than other people."

Former Fortune 500 Corporate Executive Until My Salary Became Linked to My Performance

'These business meetings are like panda matings...The expectations are always high, but the results are usually disappointing.'

Former CEO will work for stock options, bonus, perks, in lieu of salary.

"As corporate sniper, you'll of course be given an office with a window."

"We can't merge again. Our letterhead already takes up the entire page."

"I hate performance review season."