Corporate Wellness Skeptic Gifts

"Our mandatory fitness program has nothing to do with health. It generates electricity, which saves the company money."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

With-it Woman

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."