Corporate Wellness Skeptic Pillows

"Our mandatory fitness program has nothing to do with health. It generates electricity, which saves the company money."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

With-it Woman

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."