Corporate Wellness Pillows

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"I've finally learned not to measure my worth by how many employees I have."

"You caught us at a bad time, Pete. This is our post-lunch slump."

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'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

Simply climbing the ladder of success wasn't fulfilling out corporate wellness goals.

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

"We're usually pretty good at spotting job burn-out before it gets bad, but every now and then, someone slips under our radar!"

"This is Fred, he heads up our corporate wellness programs."

'Obesity is a scourge, a health disaster...Management would be shirking our responsibilities if we didn't help staff avoid the twin threats of overeating and lack of exercise!'

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

"Staff support"

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Office Ergonomics.

"It's hard to keep good people."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

"And this is another economic indicator."

"So I can eat better here at work."

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

'I hear they've named a new stress syndrome after me.'

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

Office Safety.

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

The HR department at the tech company allowed Randy the use of their therapy robot.

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

'People aren't happy enough...I want a 15% increase in happiness by the 1st of the month or heads will roll!'

'You're right, Haskell, I should get more exercise. Tomorrow I'm turning your office into a gym.'