Corporate Speaker Gifts

"Let's try it again, sir - but with a tad more conviction when you tell the lies."

'Finally, I'd like to thank the bridesmaids...wait a minute: wrong speech!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

HR - Helping Relationships

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"