Corporate Speaker Gifts

"Let's try it again, sir - but with a tad more conviction when you tell the lies."

'Finally, I'd like to thank the bridesmaids...wait a minute: wrong speech!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

HR - Helping Relationships

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"