Corporate Shop Talker Gifts

'You call that an offer. The Enterprise is worth twice that if it's worth a nickel!'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

'Actually, I was hoping for a more inspiring mission statement.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'