Business Talker Gifts

"I told you never to call me here."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Any questions?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

The Birth of the Pyramid Marketing Sales Scam (circa 4,000 BC)

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'Your proposal sounds interesting. Can you send me a written proposal? I cannot reread a phone call.'

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Wall of Office Memories

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Never forget the magic asterisk...

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'