Corporate Communicators Gifts

'In terms of vision, this company has lost its way. Is anybody here good with GPS?'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Any questions?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Direct Marketing...

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

HR - Helping Relationships

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

The Devil's in the detail!

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

Information. Innuendo

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Giving feedback is a complex process.