Corporate Mascot Pillows

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Urban Gorilla

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Shake it all about sign on desk

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Brainstorm in progress.