Corporate Cartoon Pillows

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

You said you wanted me to speak to the chairman of Hardcastle industries - I've just realised that's me.

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...