Corporate Cartoon Pillows

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

You said you wanted me to speak to the chairman of Hardcastle industries - I've just realised that's me.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'