Corporate Cartoon Fan Pillows

"Please welcome the newest member of our risk management team . . ."

'...and Fred here will be your overseer.'

"I know you need some certainty in your job, so you're fired."

'It was his last wish-slash-directive.'

Decision makers: 'Out for...maybe 2 hours, who knows?'

'You'll be happy to know that despite my laying off 5,000 people, you're still going to have a 5-day work week, Jenkins. Start now and in 120 hours you can go home.'

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Take me to your market leader.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Pizza time.

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."