Corporate Cartoon Fan T-Shirts

"Please welcome the newest member of our risk management team . . ."

'...and Fred here will be your overseer.'

"I know you need some certainty in your job, so you're fired."

'It was his last wish-slash-directive.'

Decision makers: 'Out for...maybe 2 hours, who knows?'

'You'll be happy to know that despite my laying off 5,000 people, you're still going to have a 5-day work week, Jenkins. Start now and in 120 hours you can go home.'

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Take me to your market leader.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Pizza time.

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."