Corporate Life Navigator T-Shirts

"There's nothing about your performance that you need to change....other than everything."

'There's a Mr. Tilbin here to see you, Sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting or out of the office?'

'Adrian's having his appraisal right now!'

"We can't offer medical benefits because working here is considered a pre-existing condition."

'This promotion means you'll be getting the blame directly from me.'

Reprimand from the Boss.

You've got some disgruntled shareholders, an annoyed customer, the shop stewards and a VAT man. Who would you want to see first?

Motivational Posters: Quit staring at your feet!

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Uh-Oh..."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Between Offices

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"It says here that if you read stuff on an electronic device you can miss the big picture."

Better times ahead.

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'You may feel lost and insignificant at first working for us.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'I've run your letter through the word processor several times, sir, but it just keeps getting worse.'

'I'd like to come home... if I could.'

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy