Corporate Leaders Gifts

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

'Speaking for myself and every other right-thinking person...'

'Next time keep the Justice Department and the SEC in mind when you're thinking outside the box.'

'I love men in uniformity.'

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'Psst! Can I run your ethics committee?'

Shareholder's Meetings

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

'There are some ethical roadblocks, so do we use our Greedy Positioning System or our moral compass to find a detour?'

'And the final point on our agenda: International Women's Day. Any fresh ideas?'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'It's unanimous, we'll have the donuts with sprinkles.'

'We will no longer make major decisions based upon our playing 'one potato; two potato'...'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

An executive prepares to cut jobs.

"Members of the board, my indecision is final."

"Before each of you, you will find a bitter pill and a glass of water."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

COP26

The board meeting was quite dignified until somebody started a pie chart fight.

'I take it your threat to leave unless you got a 30% pay increase didn't have the desired effect.'

Hug therapy for the lonely at-the-top executives.

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"I'll do anything, up to, but not including, communicating with you, to make you feel better."

The Workplace Dress Code

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

"Wow...That was one hell of an unfriendly takeover!"

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."