Corporate Leader Gifts

"Obviously, wishful thinking alone won't turn things around. It's going to take wishful thinking combined with some powerful new jargon!"

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'There's talk of innovation out here. Winds of change are headed your way. Lock your door, pull the shades and hide under your desk.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

"No, Hoskins, you're not going to do it just because I'm telling you to do it. You're going to do it because you believe in it."

Accountability

'Before you go any further, let me reiterate that I, for one, see nothing wrong with killing the messenger.'

"This month's business meeting is the same as last month's business meeting but with many more problems."

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

"I recommend that we seize this opportunity to redefine success."

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Corporate Leaders Gather In A Field Outside Darien, Connecticut, Where One Of Them Claims To Have Seen The Invisible Hand Of The Marketplace

'What if, and I know this sounds kooky, we communicated with the employees.'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'Well, how do you handle it when a messenger shows up bearing bad news?'

'The company is doing much better since we outsourced our ethics division to tribal warlords.'

"Empathy? Yeah, I can see how that could be useful."

'Women's Business Centre' 'Caution-glass ceiling'

"Would you mind if I saw him first "

"This design has been instrumental in employee retention."

'Would you please send in one of my 'yes-man' to break this tie?'

'Of course it's ethical! It's just business ethical instead of ethical ethical.'

"There's no glass ceiling at this firm, but if you did find one...you'd be expected to clean it."

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

"It seems our new computer system is allowing us to implement idiotic ideas ten times faster than we've previously been able to!"

"Aha! Just as I suspected!"

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

Shareholders Meeting - "That is a very good question - next question, please."

Sharks' Mission Statement

"The report says our leadership skills are poor, what can we do?"