Corporate Chairman Gifts

'Another corporation I wouldn't have minded so much, but this was a hostile takeover by my secretary!'

Business Awards - ...and now best performance by a chairman at an AGM, defending a massive salary increase.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.