Corporate Language Pillows

"People complain about management consultants but without US how would anybody instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in client nourishment and product policy interaction strategisation programmes?"

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Welcome to the Team

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Parade of Businessmen

"You're on top of this week's Sales Pyramid."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"You know, there's a corporate elevator."

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'You don't get a raise with this promotion, but you do get to call your work area a 'work station' instead of a 'cubicle.''

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'