Corporate Lingo Aficionado Pillows

"I don't think we want to be talking to the staff about 'redundancies'...It's such a harsh term, it would only cause panic!"

'Basically, they're saying 'they're rubber and we're glue'.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"Kicking you upstairs is, of course, just a figure of speech. What we're really doing is sending you deeper into the countryside."

GDP and G&T.

Terms and conditions on the mount

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"I made a straightforward proposal, Moira, and all I ask is a linear response."

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"You're all redundant."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

Clothiers. Suits - Shirts. The salesman uses a lot of business jargon. Welcome! You've done your due diligence. You already know we're a value-add operation here. Great synergies with the suit and accessories! And our tailor can right-size this for you. You'll be able to monetize the strategic acquisition of this suit via enhanced deal-making success! I don't want to "dress for success." I want clothes for repose. I think I have a great head for business but my body never wants to tak