Corporate Lingo Lover Pillows

We all know we're up against a new ball game, a paradigm shift and a game changer, but luckily the cliches remain the same.

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"Nice speech. A blend of the aspirational and pie-in-the-sky nonsense."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pittance of a salary that goes with the job!"

"Blah blah blah. . ."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"I made a straightforward proposal, Moira, and all I ask is a linear response."

"Thursday makes it ten years. What do you say we renew our merger vows."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Kicking you upstairs is, of course, just a figure of speech. What we're really doing is sending you deeper into the countryside."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"As I mentioned before, Fassler, you'll never go anywhere until you start using 'impact' as a verb."

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'