Corporate Kiddo Gifts

"For my bat mitzvah, my dad is getting me incorporated."

"I'm aware of that. Fortunately there are no child management laws."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"He likes it."

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'It's not for homework. It's for traction.'

Pizza time.

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

Children's imagination

'I changed my status from LLC to LL Cool C.'

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

...your sales are rather anemic

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'