Corporate Conundrum Fan Gifts

"What do you do when you run something by legal and legal takes the fifth?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Let's Celebrate

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Take me to your market leader.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'