Corporate Conundrum Gifts

'Of course I put the children first! Look how much I pay their nanny.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Annual profits,

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

Sinking sales

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

With-it Woman

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Why does your men's clothing store need a loan?" "During the pandemic sales of pants have dropped way off."

'Great job! As your reward, you can have a cash bonus or go untethered for a week.'

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

'And here is the effect spiraling energy costs, reduced consumer confidence and limited access to credit is having on our company.'

'We could use a little sales magic.'

"The company is in deep water? Why do you think so?"

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'