Corporate Comics Fan Gifts

'How long have you been working here?' - 'Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.'

"I think we need to raise awareness, explain the benefits...and if that doesn't work, just bite 'em."

"This is a very impressive resumé. We would certainly hire you if we hadn't gone out of business yesterday."

"O.K., I'm a slave driver, but I'm not paying reparations!"

'Miss Browne. Send in someone who's been slacking. I feel the need to terminate a contract.'

"I need to change my secretary - she's had me on hold for twenty minutes."

'Hi! I'm John. At my old job, my nickname was 'the spark plug of the management team!''

'Actually, I do like to see them pass the buck ... during profit-sharing time.'

'Amalgamated Aardvarks have launched an unfriendly takeover.'

His mind is like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set!

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"You know how there's no 'I' in team. . . ? As of today there's no 'U' either!"

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Let's Celebrate

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

Take me to your market leader.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"