Corporate Cliché Collector Gifts

The breakup

'Call in someone who understands all the terminology that no one understands.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Water company bonus.

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

You complete me!

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

The Devil's in the detail!

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

News for Sale

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

"You're hired!"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'