Corporate Chronicler Gifts

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."