Corporate Benefactor Gifts

"Do your owners treat you well? Mine are very kind."

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

Advances in Third World Healthcare

"I have special needs-- good food, warm bed, fresh water, and plenty of room to pop wheelies!"

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Hypocrisy about poverty

Human Rights for All

Alms Bank

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

"Mr.Scrooge has lodged a complaint,with regard to your 'aggressive begging."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Business Partners' vows

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

Inflation Is Up, Interest Rates Are Going Up. . . I'm Asking You To UP Your Donation.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

"My Aunt Agatha – feminist, civil rights activist, philanthropist, sound engineer for 'Cheap Trick at Budokan.'"

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Beggar tosses money to the 1%.

The nonprofit dog fight.

Doctors without borders, gravity, or air.

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"