Corporate Gift Gifts

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

Team Work

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"No, I'm following you"

"That's since we did away with coffee breaks and issued time release coffee patches to all employees."

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."

"Is it just me, or did this sales meeting suddenly take a dark turn?"

"You get two coffee breaks. One in December and one in June."

"And here is the winning board of the year."

"I'm here to pick up your Christmas list."

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

'Her pro bono impulses are raging out of control.'

Yes-dog.

"And I want to thank my boss, the best boss in the whole wide world..."

"If you get the page 'intentionally left blank', you're fired."

'I second the motion that we keep a low profile.'

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

The key to eliminating work-related clutter and stress: Proper Paperwork Triage!

Big Cheese