Corporategifting Gifts

"No, I'm following you"

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

Team Work

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"That's since we did away with coffee breaks and issued time release coffee patches to all employees."

"You get two coffee breaks. One in December and one in June."

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."

"And here is the winning board of the year."

"And I want to thank my boss, the best boss in the whole wide world..."

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

'Her pro bono impulses are raging out of control.'

"It's the perfect screen-saver for our department."

"If you get the page 'intentionally left blank', you're fired."

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

"I'm here to pick up your Christmas list."

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

The key to eliminating work-related clutter and stress: Proper Paperwork Triage!

Big Cheese

"We need to think about raising your profile ..."

'We forgot to settle the signwriters bill after the last hospitality event.'

'They called it 'outsourcing'.'

'If Carl made it on time, why can't you?'

'At least he made eye contact this time.'

"Do your owners treat you well? Mine are very kind."