Cork Collectors Gifts

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

true love.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Red Wine

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Wino Appreciation Group

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

Long Corkscrew

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

Bottle Opener Strikes A Red Wine Well

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

'Would Sir like to smell the screw-top?'

'Stampede!!'

Gator Painter.

"This wine is CORKED!"

Baby sucks cork on Australian's bush hat.

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

Wine-tasting Tour.

Her Poo-Fu is strong!

'Well, if it is the other end, why don't they just print 'open other end' on the bottom?'

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."