Spork Collectors Gifts

"That's why cows don't use sporks!"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

true love.

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

'Have a nice day, Dear.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

The Frankenstein snowman.

'The nice thing is we can use real carrots as incentives with them.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Red Wine

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

S**t Threw a Goose

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

'It's a spork!'

"Take 4 teaspoons of this medicine every day. . ."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

Already overworked at the Vlasic Plant, an exhausted stork shatters a young couple's dreams,

Norman's decision to raise chickens first in the back yard, then the front yard and eventually the living room would cause great dismay the day his car keys went missing.

'Would Sir like to smell the screw-top?'

Gator Painter.

"This wine is CORKED!"

The vegan hunter

"I'm not a #@*%! frog! I'm a toad!"

Wine-tasting Tour.

Scarecrow

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."