Spork Collector Gifts

One out of 10,000 snakes are born with a 'spork' tongue.

'Not sport. It's an old 'spork' injury. I jabbed myself eating mellon balls.'

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Cow's straw

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'We have three minutes left.'

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

true love.

Golfer mistakes a hen's egg for his golf ball.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'Have a nice day, Dear.'

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

"Hurray! I just got born!"

The Frankenstein snowman.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Old Spice

'The nice thing is we can use real carrots as incentives with them.'

Red Wine

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

S**t Threw a Goose

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

Golden Eggs.

"Take 4 teaspoons of this medicine every day. . ."

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

"Gesundtheit, Dear."