Cop Show Lover Pillows

'He's working undercover to find out 'what up' with youth gangs.'

Trial by Media

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Spoiler alert."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"No Hand Sanitiser"

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'Did he say anything before he died?'

"C-Span is our reality television."

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

Bunny TV.

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'A fine? It's not as though I ran over more than one building inspector.'