Cool Dad Wannabe Pillows

"Dad, I thought I told you not to dress like Justin Bieber when you pick me up from school!"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

"Go ask your search engine."

"So totally gross, yet, so totally cool Dad!"

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'We got rid of the baby monitor, We just sms the baby 'RUOK''

Take your Daughter to Word Day

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'My Dad thinks he's so cool.'

Doctor checking a man's testicle to find out about fertility problems.

"Dad bods are so in right now."

Think of it as instant messaging.

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

"Oh, but it's not okay for me to practices being a parent?"

"I failed insemination!"

"Dude, you should wear it on the front. Chicks love that!"

"How come mom never fixes cake and ice cream for breakfast like you do, Dad?"

'Dad, I may have found someone even cooler than you.'

'The facts of life? Sure -- just type in this URL.'

'Street cred. Thanks honey!'