Conversation Guardian Pillows

"Do you and Gary want to come over and not talk about Trump?"

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

So you're a mocking bird...

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

What price beauty?

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"He gets easily abstracted."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"