Convenience Connoisseur Gifts

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

Pond Village Store Generalists

Woman looks at frozen ready meal and says to man: 'You may have bought them from the corner shop, but that doesn't mean they're 'locally-sourced'.'

Microwave ready meals.

'I sent out for everything.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Bookworm Sleepover

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

Electric Blanket.

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Pop Top Ice FIshing

'Idle' Home Exhibition

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

Second aid

"They've got insulation to die for!"

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'The Anal Retentive Astronaut.' 'Just LOOK at all this DUST!'

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"You're stealing the blanket."

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

"Dr. Green...5 second rule...stat!"

Junior's Towel

'I see the Maids have been in!'

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

Church Drive-Thru.

I can remember before e-mails when it would take me TWICE as long to waste HALF as much of their time

Maids At Home.

Great Joys like griefs are silent.