Controller Gifts

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Accountant sings the blues

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Rage.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'A cheeky red?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"You owe me five bucks."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Homo Gamus

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."