Control Seeker T-Shirts

No Surprises

Things That Aren't Problems At All That I Worry About the Most

"He who controls the Internet controls the world."

'Makes you feel in control, doesn't it?'

Control in the workplace.

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Man Fishing: Pulling sign attached to hook from fish out of water: Gone Swimmin'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

Exit only.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Bring me some more power.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

"Wi-fi....Wi-fi...WI....FI!...."

'...and this is the Mess.'

Glass Ceiling

You Are Here...Your Nearest Wi-FI Signal Is Here.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"The boss loves the positive feedback he gets every time he says something."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

"And how long till they start saying the 'Great' after my name."

Robot about to eat a battery

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

"Sure, you could make a good living in private industry, but believe me, you wouldn't be running any kingdoms."

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."