Contrast Comedian Gifts

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

Every class has one. . .

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

Monet At Open Mic Night

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

Keister Island

Two friars ringing bells

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

When worlds collide...

'You paint abstract, why do I need to be nude?'

'I have a very neat desk but a very messy computer desktop.'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"... a 24 hour mimosa bar, and a 'free love' dating policy! Anyway, how's it been going for you?"

'Knee him in the groin - it always works.'

"Being vague and general?" "No, that's the first law of psychics, I want the law of phsics."

"I'm hoping that once we enter the Bronze Age I'll be able to get a better likeness of you."

'I told you that 'will of the people' stuff would backfire!'

I am NOT a serial killer...

"No Chateau Lafite '62? Guess I'll have a brewskie."

Eggskimos: Eskimos in the form of Eggs.

'You said you wanted to experiment in bed.'

Scavenenger's hunt.

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

Self help tape - listening skills

'Goodbye Sam. Goodbye Abby. A special goodbye to you, Eddie.'

My motto is "Do it now!" That's why I've decided there's no time like the present for postponing what I don't want to do.