Contradiction Spotter Gifts

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"I hate it when we fight."

"This is a side of Manhattan you don't often see."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

One way only.

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

An election candidate giving contradicting promises.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

Cat on Board.

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

"No aliens"

Sunset Attraction

'If this thing starts to snowball it will catch fire all across the country.'

"You are Here" sign on mountain.

8 items or fewer.

Do not pass.

Road signs of Aging

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

Oxymorons

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

Woman sunbathing on snowy balcony under sunlamp.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

One Way/Two Ways.

Society for the Furtherance of Liberal Thought.

'I think I'm cured. I now forgive my parents, love my wife, adore my children and hate you.'

'You are a credit to the human race, Yardsley. Unfortunately, you're a liability to this firm.'

"My door is always open, Truscot, so don't go near it!"