Contradiction Detective Gifts

"You see, there's proof I'm in the majority. I don't believe in polls and neither do 59% of other guys."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"This is a side of Manhattan you don't often see."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"It's a setup."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'If this thing starts to snowball it will catch fire all across the country.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

"No aliens"

"Before I give you my resume, I'd like to know how thorough you fact check."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"See...polystyrene!"

"Play the last presidential debate....hold on....first take our all the lies and stuff..."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

What a nation looks like with a free press and access to information / What a nation looks like with no free press and no access to correct information.

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

Oxymorons

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

"They're not home.."

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'