Contractual Joker Gifts

'Selling my soul is out of the question, on the other hand, I may be amiable to entering some sort of leasing arrangement.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Fittd shēt

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"It's your cubicle, Nelson, not your coop."

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

Prisoner still life painting.

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

"I'm feeling quite generous today, so what do you say we all go out to lunch huh? Dawson's treat."

'Don't worry, the dog's a sales manager!'

Walkie Talkie Company CEO has in/out boxes labeled: Talk the talk, Walk the Walk.

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

"Then it's agreed, my tie is prettier than Henderson's."

"Dave, I know we talked about creating a more dynamic image for this department but don't you think you've taken this whole thing a little too far?"

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

When we said we wanted you to have more fun training we didn't mean THAT much fun.

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

Head Hunting.

"I'm afraid there will be more cuts."

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."