Contractual Joker Gifts

'Selling my soul is out of the question, on the other hand, I may be amiable to entering some sort of leasing arrangement.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Fittd shēt

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

"It's your cubicle, Nelson, not your coop."

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"I'm feeling quite generous today, so what do you say we all go out to lunch huh? Dawson's treat."

'Don't worry, the dog's a sales manager!'

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

Walkie Talkie Company CEO has in/out boxes labeled: Talk the talk, Walk the Walk.

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

When we said we wanted you to have more fun training we didn't mean THAT much fun.

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Dave, I know we talked about creating a more dynamic image for this department but don't you think you've taken this whole thing a little too far?"

"Then it's agreed, my tie is prettier than Henderson's."

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

Head Hunting.

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."

"I'm afraid there will be more cuts."

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'