Contractual Jester Gifts

'Let's make it a verbal contract.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

Born In Captivity.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

Career Choices

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'