Contractor's Biggest Fan Gifts

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'it's the last bite that worries me.'

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

Put it in writing!

'Bill, you messed up again. You built the second floor on top of the third floor.'

"I'm the building inspector...that nest okay?"

"OK, let's go to contract."

Safety - "Don't tick off Tiny."

'I'm from the odd shaped glass supply company.'

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

Men resting.

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'OK, I'm back. Here's a notarized hard copy of my offer granting you three wishes, all ready for your lawyer to review. And I don't mind telling you, pal, it's jerks like you who are RUINING this job!'

When Science Catches Up to Sports: 'I want $400,000 a year, a bonus for each step that leads to a new product and a five year contract or trade me to another lab.'

'Hey, I don't agree with the new clauses in this new symbiosis contract...'

Say No To Crack.

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

"Congratulations on your Pulitzer. Now, let's revisit the university's contract offer."

"So, that's twenty seven breakfast rolls, sixteen bacon sandwiches. . ."

'Everything is pro bono after the first 100 grand.'

The Contract & The Change Orders.

'Sorry, but pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'