Contract Killer Gifts

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."

'Sorry, I don't take contracts on cats, they're too difficult to bump off: They have nine lives!'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

The Devil's in the detail!

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Let's run it through legal.'

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

'Forget your two million pound recording contract. When are you going to get a steady job?'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

"The only thing wrong with Capitalism is competition. Sign this non-compete agreement."

'So, what are the terms of use?'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

Contractor Ants

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

'The union told me what we could do with our contract proposal.'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'