Contract Conundrum Navigator Gifts

'I should have read the pre-nup more carefully,'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

You Know You're Old When...

"Has our apologist been alerted?"

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

"Relax - not only does the devil have the best tunes, he's also got a great lawyer."

"This is Brad. If there's a loophole, he'll find it."

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

"This is my final offer: you get 18% and a kind word on Yelp."

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'If you wish to retain my rock star client's talents you're going to need to pay a rock star price.'

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

'Something's wrong -- yesterday, the sun set in the West.'

"Kid, you're going to have to make a choice."

"My last dog always too a right there."

'Sorry, absolutely no exceptions.'

'Sold my soul to the devil, but held on to the intellectual property rights.'

'I'm a writer. Boilerplate.'

Detour Sign

'Don't you guys ever read? That contract is void in case of male pattern baldness!'

Car navigation

'No, and I mean it! You think I've forgotten what happened last time you borrowed one?'

"There. Now it's all on paper. Feel better?"

Do you realise you're talking to somebody who has a three year rolling contract and who knows where all the bodies are buried?

'Naturally, the list of those of us receiving law degrees would be in small print.'