Contraception Tactician Gifts

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

New arrival

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

The Use of Cavalry

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Kosovo.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'They're not reliable.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

"The jury will disregard this witness' testimony as nothing but hearsay!"

'This HS2 brief is the kind of work I live for!'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"