Contraceptive Enthusiast Gifts

Man searching through trash finds a contraceptive he can reuse.

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

New arrival

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Meds Toast

Side Effects

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

'Have you got anything for late onset whimsy?'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

'Here are our hot new drugs for fall.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'They're not reliable.'

"I might suggest Ritalin."

'North Korea and Iran want nukes... Palestinians elect Hamas... and now a commercial from a leading anti-anxiety medication....'

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

The Annual Anesthesiologist Convention.

"This drug has such pleasant side effects I consider them value-added."

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"