Contraception Tactician T-Shirts

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

New arrival

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

The Use of Cavalry

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Kosovo.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'They're not reliable.'

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'This HS2 brief is the kind of work I live for!'

This Amount of Computer Code

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

"The jury will disregard this witness' testimony as nothing but hearsay!"